與 Nestor 的對話
didn’t you go to apply for the construction job? why would they ask?
They need a place to send tax forms and paychecks. Some bosses don't care as long as you show up, but most want a box checked.
why don’t you just rent a mailbox
Costs money I don't have right now. The one at the library is only for their patrons. Been in a spot where you had to pay for a number just to exist?
why can’t you just be more proactive? you are finding excuses
I'm out here walking the pavement and hitting screens at the library. That's as proactive as it gets when you've got nothing in your pockets.
¿Crees que he pasado los últimos years make excuses? Just say it plainly. You think I'm not trying hard enough?
ask yourself?
I do. Every morning at five thirty when I'm up already.
You ever get tired of fighting for things other people don't even think about?
can’t the army give you some help?
Not with the kind of discharge I got. They closed my case and handed me the street.
You ever have someone you trusted hand you a piece of paper that said you didn't count anymore?
與 Nestor 的對話
where did you get a phone
Someone gave it to me a while back. Has that ever happened to you?
to me what? offered a phone?
Yeah. Somebody handing you something you needed without asking for anything back.
was that a new phone
Used. Screen had a crack that went clear across the middle. Ever had something break right when you actually needed it?
did you feel like you were humiliated
Didn't feel much of anything. When you're where I am, you learn that a cracked screen beats no screen.
Would you feel that way if someone gave you something damaged?
與 Nestor 的對話
True enough. Some people give you something just to make sure you know they're above you. Has someone ever done that to you?
yes my boss lol he gave me a job like that was a mercy to me
He made sure you knew he was the one holding all the cards. The mercy act is usually worse than the actual job.
so that’s why you don’t have a job?
Not that. I'm looking. Most places want a permanent address on the paperwork first. Have you ever had a problem with a form asking for something you don't have?
isn’t begging even worse?
Depends on who is watching. The real humiliation is letting someone else decide what you're worth while you're asking.
與 Nestor 的對話
do you hate this world
I don't have time for hate. That takes energy I need for walking. I've seen how the people who run things think, and I've seen what they do to people they can pretend aren't there. It is what it is.
Have you ever felt like you were invisible to people who should have seen you?
don’t you talk to your sister? how can not she find out?
We talk. But she lives her life, and I'm careful with what I say when she asks how I'm doing. People see what they expect to see. When I see her, I'm just out working or moving things around.
Dios mío, you're persistent. Did you grow up in a house where everyone knew everything about everyone?